Song 69: Second Chance

Lyrics

[Intro]

[Verse 1]
Your name on the screen
After fourteen months
Looked like a word
In a language I'd stopped studying
But the tongue remembered
Before the brain decided
And the remembering
Was the first betrayal
Of the version of myself
Who said: I'm done

I'm done
Was a beautiful sentence
While it lasted
Which was fourteen months
Which is longer than some governments
But shorter than the time it takes
The hippocampus to stop
Filing you
Under current

[Pre-Chorus]
And the filing
Is not my fault
The hippocampus is loyal
To whoever stayed longest
And you stayed
Even after you left
Which is the cruelest résumé
A memory can submit

[Chorus]
Deuxième chance, deuxième chance
The love that rings the bell a second time
Deuxième chance, deuxième chance
Not the same love — love with a limp
That knows the stairs now
And takes them slower
And holds the railing
And the holding of the railing
Is not weakness
It's the thing the first time didn't have
Which is respect
For the height

[Verse 2]
Tôi đã nói không
I said no
Three times in my head
Before I said yes
Once
Out loud
Into a phone
That didn't know
It was holding
The most expensive syllable
I've spent this year

And the yes
Was not forgiveness
Forgiveness is a different song
Farther down the list
The yes
Was curiosity
Dressed in caution
Wearing the shoes of someone
Who remembers
Where the floor gets slippery
And walks there anyway
Because the other rooms
Were fine
But they didn't have
That window

Bà ngoại said
Đường cũ dễ đi hơn
The old road is easier to walk
But easier is not always better
And better is not always safer
And safer
Is not always
Where the window is

[Chorus]
Deuxième chance, deuxième chance
The love that rings the bell a second time
Deuxième chance, deuxième chance
Not the same love — love with a limp
That holds the railing
And takes the stairs slower
And arrives
Not breathless
But breathing
Which is different
And the different
Is the entire point of returning

[Bridge]
The dopamine system
Doesn't learn from the first time
That's the research
The reward prediction
Fires for the familiar face
With the same voltage
As the first encounter
Which means
The brain forgives
Before the person does
The brain reopens the file
Before you've signed the paperwork

And you can argue with the brain
I have argued with the brain
But the brain has the keys
To the filing cabinet
And the filing cabinet
Has your name on it
Still
After fourteen months
Still


And I'm walking the old road
With new shoes
And the window is still there
And the light
Comes in the same way
But I don't

[Outro]
Deuxième chance